Vanchie's Got Talent (Or Not)
by CrepsleytheCreep
Summary: Stinky comes up with a marvelous, yet horrendous idea. So he drags his fellow vampires and Cirque member off to the Britain's Got Talent auditions! [A/N: NO. It's NOT copied from TVF. It's not even close. Nothing of mine could compare with Roxy's stories anyway.]
1. Chapter 1

Hi. I'd been watching random BGT clips on youtube.. Just cuz... And this idea came to my manic mind, and well, here I am. Enjoy, and leave a review behind...

Here we go. Forgive me, David Walliams and fellow judges! .

* * *

One night, the infamous Skunky Vampire had an idea. It was a marvelous idea.

It would make Larten groan.

It would leave Harkat in awe.

It would make Mika say, 'HELL, NO.'

But most of all, it would make them all famous. With money. And cars. Technology. GOLD. More fame. And more money. IF they succeeded...

For the vampire, who was none other than Vancha March, was going to make a bunch of his friends audition in _Britain's Got Talent._

He jumped out of his coffin and ran out his Princes' chamber, going straight to the eating hall, as that would be where everyone was.

Looking around, he noticed that all of the vampires he was looking for were absent, so he checked the Games' hall.

There sat Larten, Darren, Mika, Arrow, Paris, Arra, Harkat and Kurda. It looked like Darren was trying to teach a few of the oblivious ones how to play 'Go Fish.' This included Harkat, Larten, Mika, and Arrow. And practically everyone at the table.

"Hey, guys." Vancha started.

That night, Stinky explained his ideas.

* * *

The very next night, the group of vampires, half vampire, and little person piled into the RV (Gods know where they got it) and started driving to to the Cirque Du Freak. (Larten could sense where Mr Tall was due to telepathy.)

It was a luxury RV, with a large bed and two small couches.

Luckily Darren brought sleeping bags. (Although Larten demanded the bed AND said he'd kill for it. Since the bed was huge, Harket slept at the foot of it while Arra slept on the other side. Larten wouldn't stand Vancha sleeping there.)

However, the night was only just beginning, so the vampires were occupying themselves while poor Darren drove.

Kurda, being the smartass he was, read the map for Darren. (They also argued a lot about directions.)

Larten just sat in the small kitchen, drinking his nightly coffee and being bored out of his mind.

Mika and Arrow had brought a bunch of humanly tech along with them. This included iPods, a couple of laptops, every generation of Nintendo handheld (Even the antiques), expensive headphones and earbuds, MP3s, a Samsung Galaxy S4, and some portable TVs.

Paris was brushing his beard. And sitting there, being elderly.

Harkat was in the kitchen with Dana. I mean, Larten. And enjoying the fluffy texture of the delightful product that is marshmallows.

Arra was hogging the bed, telling Paris a story about the time she'd beat up Larten at the bars. And the time after that. And the time after that. Et cetera, et cetera.

It was going to be a long ride.

Larten, Darren, Paris and Kurda wondered why they'd ever agreed to this.

A few hours into the road trip, Darren pulled up to a rest stop. It consisted of a Shoppers Drug Mart, a gas station, some novelty toy/ T-shirts/ other crap stores, a mini-mart, a coffee shop, and a couple of fast-food restaurants.

"Need anything, guys?" he asked.

"Darren... We are out... Of marshmallows." Harkat looked up hopefully at Darren. Said person facepalmed at this. And complied.

"Say, Kurda, you remembered the high-tech Vampire Mode camera installation crap?" Darren looked at Kurda.

"Yes, Darren. Now go get me a latte so I can finish configuring this."

Darren rolled his eyes. "Anything else?"

Paris looked genuinely fascinated with the modern delicacies that are beef jerky, Coke, and Mentos. "More of these items, Darren," he said, pointing.

"May I go with you, Darren?" Mr Crepsley asked Darren. "I have the money, after all," he smirked.

"Oh, yeah. Give me the money," Darren said, "But you can't come. Video cameras, remember?"

"Fine," Mr Crepsley sighed, giving him the money.

Darren first went to the Shoppers Drug Mart, to get marshmallows for Harkat and Paris's requests. He searched the aisles looking for the last item from that store: beef jerky.

Suddenly, he heard the squeaks of Wellies and the sinister chuckle. Feeling an eerie presence, he turned.

There stood none other than Desmond Tiny.

Darren was now sweating slightly. Gulping, he resisted the urge to run away. Standing his ground, he inquired, "What do you w-want, Mr Tiny?"

"Why, hello, Darren. Didn't see you there," Desmond lied, grinning like a madman.

Suddenly, the harbinger of destiny leaned in and said, "Good luck at the audition."

Darren grabbed his beef jerky and ran like heck the the register, paying for the stuff and making a mad dash for the door. He forgot Mr Tiny as he headed for the coffee shop.

At the shop, he heard a voice behind him. He turned around.

"Hello, Darren," the Vampaneze Lord and Gannen Harst said behind him.

* * *

REVIEW, godammit. jk.


	2. Chapter 2

HERE is the second chapter. And, seriously guys? No reviews on Arisa Shan even if I was gone for, like, a month? Really? I'm disappointed in you guys. No more Arisa Shan until you review. :P

ALSO! ARAGO is another manga from Takahiro Arai, the man who adapted Darren Shan, you know, manga. Look up "arago, takahiro arai" and you'll find it. Even read it, if you're interested.

* * *

Darren turned, a look of fear on his face. "Steve!"

Steve grinned maniacally at his former friend.

And just after seeing the sinister look on his friend's face, Darren pulled out a sword from behind him (Gods know where he hid it) and held it to Steve's neck.

"Are they doing a movie shooting?"

"Whoa!"

"Hey, guys! They're shooting a scene for _Modern Ninja in Britain 3_!"_  
_

Steve was unfazed by the threat that was about to plunge into his neck. He continued grinning from ear to ear and said, "Relax, Darren. After we all came back to life after the last book, the war ended because Mr Tiny threatened to kill everyone if they didn't stop fighting. Now we're forced into a truce, so can't a half-vampaneze and a purple guy get a coffee?"

Suddenly, Arago Hunt burst into the cafe, his Brionac power fizzing around his hand. "Darren!I'm here to kill Steve! He's working with Patchman!"

Darren looked awestruck. "Um, Arago?"

"Yes?"

"This is Darren Shan. Not ARAGO. Get back to your own manga."

"Oh. Well, bye."

Arago walked out of the coffee shop.

Darren bought a latte for Kurda and, as a treat, grabbed a dozen donuts and got the heck out of there.

Back at the RV, Darren gave his comrades the items and got back behind the wheel. "Kurda, you finished the Vampire Cam installations?"

"Yeah, noob. Start driving." Darren adopted a grumpy expression and started up the RV.

Larten, who was slumped on the bed, started snoring very loudly. Arra covered him with layers and layers of various pillows, blankets, cover, and comforters so no one could hear the snoring. It was as if the Vampire Gods were having a fitful sleep and bears were growling in people's ears.

"I wonder if Mr Crepsley accidentally got fused with Gavner..."

Mr Tiny was latched onto the outside of the recreational vehicle, and stuck his head in a window.

"Nah, he's probably been disturbed lately." All eyes were uneasily glancing at Mr Tiny. Then Desmond let go of the RV and went flying.

On another note, Harkat was prancing happily in a sea of marshmallows in the kitchen. Literally, the kitchen was filled up to the counters in marshmallows, and they overflowed out of the kitchen into the bedroom and front of the RV.

"Darren, when're we gonna get to the Cirque?" Arra asked, climbing out of an unholy hill of marshmallows.

Mr Crepsley suddenly stuck his head out of the mass of pillows and blankets and announced, "Two hours and fifty-six minutes." Then, he automatically started snoring again.

"Weird." Arrow looked up from his game.

"Totally." Mika looked skeptical.

Arrow and Mika went back to their Mario Kart DS.

Kurda was spouting random directions, coordinates, road names, and tourist attractions from the pile of maps and GPS-related items, while Darren struggled to remember the way to the Cirque.

* * *

Two hours and fifty-six minutes later, the RV pulled up to a grassy field near a clutter of trailers and RVs.

"FINALLY!" Arrow and Mika ran towards the trees for a- ahem- bathroom break.

Darren literally jumped out of the RV and kissed the ground.

Cirque, sweet Cirque.


End file.
